I first read "The Clan of the Cave Bear" when I was twelve years old. It was my introduction to the adult world, and a thought just struck me as I read this. I wonder whether it had a deeper impact than I ever realised. I wonder if it poked something in me and nudged me toward certain bdsm elements already back then. Fascinating.
My intro to the adult world in many ways too Erinn and we knew it at the time, we fingered those pages in secret with such intense curiosity. It is interesting that you connect that to your current life. For me, that book planted the seed that force and violence (to some degree) formed part of exercising a type of power that intrigued me although I didn’t understand the complexities then.
This is a wonderful description of a journey many travel. It so often starts by stumbling across something anomalous, an erotic experience where we least expected it. The spark could be one sudden unforgettable experience, or we might collect our kindling twig by twig, from what we read on the page or see on screen. Once we're aware of it, we're hungry for more. What's seen can not be unseen.
But the road of self-discovery is never smooth. Sometimes we feel we're unstoppable, like we'll run forever. At other times we'll find ourselves stumbling, or even getting lost. We might go years before discovering the next spark that rekindles our fire, and restores our hunger to discover more.
Erotica feels like a message from those who've travelled slightly ahead us, a note addressed to us personally that whispers: keep going, keep your flame of lust alive, you'll love it here.
Thak you @Spanking Theatre - you are so right, there is no going back - it’s funny because in many ways the title to this post Erotica Made Me - was a play on words, both a journey of self-discovery through erotica that also permission to experiment.
For me in the beginning (70’s-80’s) it was Jackie Collins - I was fascinated by the way she wrote about power, status, dependency then Anais and most definitely Marquis de Sade - I was fascinated by the way he put virtue and moralization in perspective- forcing me to see how any belief needed to be tested before it could be considered true and how time and circumstances change perspectives- I became much more pliable in my mind. This trio of teachers is quite fascinating now that I look back.
Collins: Desire as power/currency (how I lived my early life)
Anais: Desire as self-revelation (when I traded personal development for erotica)
De Sade: Desire as truth ( deep levels of shadow work and acceptance of all parts of myself)
For me all of these writers exposed hidden structures be they psychological, moral or social.
Thanks Lois - Ah yes Jackie Collins - the original 80’s power queen. I read some of hers too. De Sade is fascinating. I went through a period in my late thirties where I wanted to know everything about being ‘Libertine’ and de Sades life. My fantasy life was enriched deeply for it and the opportunity to play out in my mind things that I would never do, served to remind me I had a private space within that no-one else was surveilling - I could think, imagine and fantasize without reproach. Angela Carter was a very powerful influence giving me an alternative way of thinking about de Sade too.
Beautiful and aspirational. Recently read Susie Bright's How to Write a Dirty Story. Picked up Story of O and Delta Venus and will have to move the higher on the to read list.
I loved this. 🙌🏻 It’s wonderful to hear someone else who took their own sexual journey. Thank you for writing this. You write captivatingly well. I felt very seen reading this.
i adored this, it had me revisiting my own literary unfolding... the copies of anais nin and other collections of erotica i secreted from my grandmother's collection. the romance novels my mother and i would pass back and forth when i was in high school--historicals, vampires, and a generous helping of nora roberts. inhaling austen and bronte. there's a way in which my life has existed more between the pages of books than anywhere else.
I first read "The Clan of the Cave Bear" when I was twelve years old. It was my introduction to the adult world, and a thought just struck me as I read this. I wonder whether it had a deeper impact than I ever realised. I wonder if it poked something in me and nudged me toward certain bdsm elements already back then. Fascinating.
My intro to the adult world in many ways too Erinn and we knew it at the time, we fingered those pages in secret with such intense curiosity. It is interesting that you connect that to your current life. For me, that book planted the seed that force and violence (to some degree) formed part of exercising a type of power that intrigued me although I didn’t understand the complexities then.
This is a wonderful description of a journey many travel. It so often starts by stumbling across something anomalous, an erotic experience where we least expected it. The spark could be one sudden unforgettable experience, or we might collect our kindling twig by twig, from what we read on the page or see on screen. Once we're aware of it, we're hungry for more. What's seen can not be unseen.
But the road of self-discovery is never smooth. Sometimes we feel we're unstoppable, like we'll run forever. At other times we'll find ourselves stumbling, or even getting lost. We might go years before discovering the next spark that rekindles our fire, and restores our hunger to discover more.
Erotica feels like a message from those who've travelled slightly ahead us, a note addressed to us personally that whispers: keep going, keep your flame of lust alive, you'll love it here.
Thak you @Spanking Theatre - you are so right, there is no going back - it’s funny because in many ways the title to this post Erotica Made Me - was a play on words, both a journey of self-discovery through erotica that also permission to experiment.
Beautiful memories shared!! And a virtual library of books to explore!! Love ❤️ it...thanks for sharing
Thanks Stran - glad you liked it.
What a gorgeous, honest reflection on the transformative power of erotic fiction.
Thanks Laura :)
For me in the beginning (70’s-80’s) it was Jackie Collins - I was fascinated by the way she wrote about power, status, dependency then Anais and most definitely Marquis de Sade - I was fascinated by the way he put virtue and moralization in perspective- forcing me to see how any belief needed to be tested before it could be considered true and how time and circumstances change perspectives- I became much more pliable in my mind. This trio of teachers is quite fascinating now that I look back.
Collins: Desire as power/currency (how I lived my early life)
Anais: Desire as self-revelation (when I traded personal development for erotica)
De Sade: Desire as truth ( deep levels of shadow work and acceptance of all parts of myself)
For me all of these writers exposed hidden structures be they psychological, moral or social.
Thanks Lois - Ah yes Jackie Collins - the original 80’s power queen. I read some of hers too. De Sade is fascinating. I went through a period in my late thirties where I wanted to know everything about being ‘Libertine’ and de Sades life. My fantasy life was enriched deeply for it and the opportunity to play out in my mind things that I would never do, served to remind me I had a private space within that no-one else was surveilling - I could think, imagine and fantasize without reproach. Angela Carter was a very powerful influence giving me an alternative way of thinking about de Sade too.
Beautiful and aspirational. Recently read Susie Bright's How to Write a Dirty Story. Picked up Story of O and Delta Venus and will have to move the higher on the to read list.
I loved this. 🙌🏻 It’s wonderful to hear someone else who took their own sexual journey. Thank you for writing this. You write captivatingly well. I felt very seen reading this.
Thanks so much Jeff - the best part is the journey still continues ;)
Inspirational ❤️🔥
Ok. You are good.
You will like this!
https://youtu.be/65Bz5OmTQ_M
i adored this, it had me revisiting my own literary unfolding... the copies of anais nin and other collections of erotica i secreted from my grandmother's collection. the romance novels my mother and i would pass back and forth when i was in high school--historicals, vampires, and a generous helping of nora roberts. inhaling austen and bronte. there's a way in which my life has existed more between the pages of books than anywhere else.
Thank you for sharing such a delicious uncovering and blossoming 🌸🙏
Thanks Fergus :)